Ayden nodded. “You are a risk worth taking … and so is she. If you stop worrying about what might happen between the two of you and focus on what is happening, you’d be able to see it clear as day. I think you love her but you’re so caught up in the then and so worried about the when that you can’t even see the now.”

“I don’t have a clue how to love someone else, Ayd.”

She reached out and thumped me on the side of the head, which made me scowl as I pulled to a stop in front of the familiar house on Capitol Hill.

“Stop making excuses. You’re too smart for that, Asa. You love me, you love Mom even though she doesn’t deserve it, and I think, finally, after way too long, you are starting to love yourself a little bit. You can love Royal if you allow yourself to.”

Her eyes brightened as the front door to the house opened and a tall guy with messy dark hair and really tight, black jeans came out on the front steps. Jet Keller and all his rock-and-roll ways was not who I would have ever pictured being my sister’s soul mate, but it was there on every feature of her expressive face. He was it for her and always would be. I saw a smile tug at her mouth as she put a hand on the door before she turned back to look at me.

“Allow yourself to love someone fully, Asa. It’s what will finally set you free from the past. There’s no room for anything else, no space for all that regret and recrimination when you’re filled up with that kind of love. I know you said you woke up from that coma for me, but you haven’t been living, and I think Royal might be the one to finally give you a reason to start.”

She climbed out of the car and Jet started to come down the stairs toward her like the fifteen feet separating them was just too much to bear. I called Ayden’s name and she bent down to poke her head back inside the car.

“I miss you. I just want you to know that.”

She winked at me and I saw hands covered in heavy silver rings slide around her waist from behind.

“I miss you, too, but I think I’ll worry about you less after this trip.”

Jet bent down and told me hello, then hauled my sister out of the way and kissed her like he hadn’t seen her in weeks instead of hours. If that was what living looked like, I really had been doing it wrong for the last couple of years, and Ayden was right.

CHAPTER 16

Royal

I wasn’t really sure what had possessed me to ask Asa to meet my mother. I don’t know if it was the need I had to get him to see that this thing working between us was important, more important than anything he was trying to hold on to before, or if I was pulling one of his tricks and trying to see if he could handle my temperamental parent. Either way I knew I had ulterior motives for asking him to go with me, and considering he was smarter than anyone I had ever met, I knew he had to know that as well.

Even so, when I knocked on his apartment door right after work, still dressed in my uniform, he just leered at me and told me never in a million years did he ever think he would find a badge sexy. Then he kissed me hard enough to knock my hat off the top of my head and reminded me again that my handcuffs had more than one use. I just rolled my eyes and followed him to the 4Runner. One of these days I was going to surprise him and let him make good on all the wicked promises I saw in his amber gaze when he teased me about that particular tool of my trade.

On the way to my mom’s place in Littleton I gave him a brief rundown of what to expect. I told him how she liked to jump from spouse to spouse. I gave him the glossed-over version of my own origins, which had him lifting a questioning eyebrow in my direction. All I could do was shrug and tell him I had never had a relationship with my father and never wanted one. My mom had worked her ass off to be more than enough for me and I never felt lacking in the parental love and support department. The guy that had contributed the other half of my DNA already had another family when he started fooling around with my mom, so it wasn’t like I was missing out on any kind of stellar role model. Asa just snorted and told me that a philanderer was far better than a career convict when it came to father figures, and I had to admit I agreed.

“Mom’s been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster lately. She’s never liked to be alone, and ever since I went to work full-time, she’s been even more prone to looking for love in all the wrong places. I really worry about her, and sometimes I think she’s going to cross the line and I won’t be able to look the other way. Her men and the way she is with them has always been the one sore spot in our relationship. But nothing I say about it seems to sink in. It would break my heart if a man ever really drove a wedge between us.” I gave him an arch look. “So don’t flirt back if she starts to lay it on pretty thick. Sometimes I think she actually loses her mind around good-looking men.”