At the hospital it was a little bit of work to get in to see Poppy. There were still a bunch of law enforcement officials running around and the media was lurking like vultures. The nursing staff knew who Salem was right away and started to usher her back, but she didn’t want to go without me. Since I wasn’t immediate family they weren’t going to let me in to see Poppy. I thought it was more important that Poppy see a familiar face than it was to fight the rules, but Salem was having none of it. And in her typical way she charmed and maneuvered everyone that she needed to in order to get me clearance to go into the room with her.

I almost wished I had stayed in the hall. Poppy looked dreadful. Her face was practically deformed from the beating she had endured. Her hair was a tangled and matted mess that had dried blood caked in the strands, and even though both of her eyes were black and blue and swollen to the point that I had no idea how she could see out of them, I could see the weird, hollow cast in the typically glowing depths. She just looked beyond broken, and while I wanted to turn around and pretend like none of it had happened, Salem marched right in and scooped her sister up in a gentle hug as they rocked together around the tubes and monitors that were plugged into Poppy.

There was no regret. There were no useless words of condolence. All Salem could do was hold Poppy as she cried and cried. There was nothing that was going to make the situation, or her sister, any better and Salem knew that, so she just offered up her strength, which was really the only thing that Poppy needed at the moment. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself, so I just hovered by the doorway and watched the heartbreaking scene unfold. As a man that cared about these two women, who had loved both of them in different ways for a lifetime, it filled me with impotent rage that they were both suffering so deeply and there was nothing I could do about it. If Oliver hadn’t already been dead I felt like I would start a manhunt so I could take him out myself.

Poppy must have felt the heat that my anger and unease were putting off because she tapped the hospital bed next to her hip and motioned me over.

I sat down as delicately as I could and picked up her hand. Her fingernails were all broken off and tattered and there were black finger marks from her wrist to her elbow. Whatever Oliver had inflicted on her, she had fought back like a champ. It was never easy to see anyone like this, let alone someone that was important to you.

“I’m so glad you guys had each other while this was going on.” Her voice was scratchy and sounded like it took a whole lot of effort to make it work. She squinted at me out of her puffy eyes and I could see her sincerity and her heart shining back at me. “I know this had to be pretty hard for both of you.”

I never wanted to lose anyone I loved ever again, but this incident, this act of senseless violence and maliciousness, made it very clear that no matter what choices I made, fate very well might have other plans and loss was just a part of life. It was a far better idea to enjoy the time I had with those that matter than it was to obsess and worry over what would happen when that time ran out.

“All that matters is that you’re okay and that we get to take you home.”

She turned her head to look at Salem and then let her battered eyes drift shut. “I don’t even know where home is anymore. That’s what Oliver kept saying to me: ‘You belong at home with me.’ What kind of home looks like this?” I saw her tremble and saw Salem’s spine go stiff.

“Home is where there are people that love you and need you. Home is where you belong no matter what your faults are or what your life looks like to others. Home is where you can leave but always know it’s there to go back to. Poppy, home is where I am. Home is where Rowdy is. You’re coming back to Denver with us so we can take care of you and get you some help.”

That was the final fight. Salem wasn’t going to let it all rest until she had it out with her father for the final time. She was going to cut the ties, break the strings that kept her and Poppy tied to the past, break them for good. She was going to go back to Loveless.

Everything inside of me wanted to demand that she let me go with her. I wanted to be her dragon slayer, her offensive line, but I knew I had to let her go alone. I had to let her go so she could come back. I had to let her do it alone because it wasn’t my fight. I would take care of Poppy and make sure she was okay while Salem did her best to set them both free.

Poppy didn’t have the energy to argue or talk much more. I knew Salem was going to want to stay at her side, so I left the two of them alone and went to update everyone back home about what was going on. The troops did what they always did and rallied. Rule and Nash told me not to worry about work. Cora asked me if I needed her to pack up the baby and drive down to New Mexico. Ayden told me she would go get the dog and was stunned when I told her my sister already had him. That was going to have to go on the top of the to-do list when I got back to D-town. Everyone was going to have to meet Sayer, since she was obviously going to be a big part of my life moving forward.

It took two more days until Poppy was released and the police were done with her. By that time we were all ready to be back home. Poppy was sick of being poked and prodded and the constant reminders of what had happened to her. She was also arguing vehemently with Salem about her plan to return to Loveless and confront their father. Poppy just wanted her to let it go, but Salem was adamant that she was going to get Poppy’s things and have some final words with their dad. I was trying to stay out of it because I saw both sides of the argument and I knew there was no stopping Salem once she had her mind made up about something. In fact I was going to fly home with Poppy and get her situated while Salem was renting an SUV and driving to Loveless from New Mexico. It was a situation that had both sisters uneasy for different reasons.

On the day Poppy was finally discharged we were standing in front of the hospital waiting for the taxi to take us to the airport and I could tell Salem had something on her mind. She was fidgety, playing with her hair, and wouldn’t look me directly in the eye. After five minutes I had had enough and hauled her to me by her upper arms so that we were eye to eye. I kissed her on the tip of the nose while she dangled there and told her softly,

“Stop it.”

She scowled at me and swatted my bicep as I put her back down on her feet. “Stop what?”

“Whatever you’re thinking. Just stop. I’m trusting you to come back. You gotta trust me that I’m just taking care of my family. Your crystal ball shows us, remember?”

She made a face at me and sighed. “I know. She’s just so broken and you’re just so sweet and want to make everything better. I just had a brief flash of doubt is all. I know you’re the best person to help her heal right now. You’re the only person I trust with her.”

I bent so I could kiss her on her sassy mouth. She always tasted like the best of everything. I loved the way she just melted into me and the way her tongue twisted and curled along mine. I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers.

“You know how you said you wanted to still be the first at some things so you could surprise me?”

She laughed a little and nodded, bumping our heads together. “There is a really important first I want you to do for me while you’re in Texas.”

She pulled back so we were staring at each other and I think she had to have seen in my gaze how important my request was because she agreed without me even telling her what it was.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to, Rowdy.”

I gave her a lopsided grin and explained to her what I needed for her to do for me. By the time I was done, we both had tears in our eyes and needed to hold on to one another for just a second.

The doors behind us whooshed open and Poppy was wheeled out looking like a shattered doll. I would help her heal and so would everyone else in my errant family. We were made up of the fragmented and damaged and it was only together that we learned the value of ourselves and what unconditional love and acceptance looked like. It was the perfect place for Poppy to forget about the past and find her peace and her future.

I helped load one Cruz sister into the taxi and kissed the other one good-bye with everything I had in me. It was oddly reminiscent of ten years ago. Once again I was taking care of Poppy and watching Salem go off to do her own thing. Only I knew this time it had a different ending, and instead of cursing fate and bad luck, I was thanking both of those things for bringing these women into my life for better or worse.

Whatever happened from here on out, I would always be grateful for every single moment I had with everyone I loved.

CHAPTER 20

Salem

I HADN’T STEPPED FOOT inside of a church since I left Loveless a lifetime ago. I didn’t have anything against religion. I believed that faith and the trust in something bigger than yourself was an important part of people making peace with how hard and trying life could be at times, but leaving my old life behind also meant leaving behind hours spent in a pew listening to my father piously lead his congregation.

It was an odd feeling to be back as an adult. It felt different knowing I could get up and leave at any point in the sermon that I wanted to. Now that I was out from under his control, lived a full life beyond him and this town, his words seemed so hollow. Where I always thought my father was full of religious conviction and driven by faith, as I watched him at the pulpit now I wondered if it was all just an act.

Sure he was just as passionate as he always had seemed. His words echoed from the wooden rafters and the people surrounding me were obviously moved, but there was something there, something I could see clearly now that time had passed, and he no longer seemed so intimidating or all-powerful like he had to my young eyes. His smile was just a little too bright. His eyes were just a little bit too wide and the cadence of his voice was just a little too practiced and theatrical to ring true. All his words about love and respect, about doing God’s work and living a life of sacrifice, hit a chord in me as I realized he was very much preaching “do as I say and not as I do.” It was hypocritical and I wished instead of being wrapped up in my own misery at home when I was younger I could have seen him and his dictates for what they were. I felt like it probably could have saved me from making a lot of mistakes along the way.

My mom had caught sight of me when I entered at the beginning of the service and took a seat in the back. She kept shooting nervous looks over her shoulder at me like she was worried I was going to jump to my feet at any given moment and lay all my family’s sins bare for all of the loyal parishioners to judge. I just kept smiling at her with a lot of teeth. I didn’t see any reason to put her mind at ease, not after the way she had sold Poppy out to a murderous creep under the guise of trying to do what was best for her. Every time she caught my eye, she gulped and nervously looked back at my father.

I figured he knew I was there as well. His entire sermon centered on forgiveness and sin. The sins of the body. The sins of the mind. The sins of the well-meaning and the sins of parents and children. He talked a good game about nothing in this world being unforgivable by God and then turned my stomach when he offered a prayer for Oliver Martinez and reminded everyone sitting inside the picture-perfect, small-town church that it was only up to God to forgive and judge Oliver for his misdeeds. Not one word about Poppy or the horror she had suffered and he most definitely didn’t mention that he was the primary reason Oliver had found my sister in the first place.

I wanted to get up and march up the aisle to the front of the church and knock him off the altar. I wanted to stand on the pew and scream that all these innocent people were listening to a fraud and that my father really thought his opinion and his beliefs were just as important as the deity he claimed was the only one that could sit in judgment. I didn’t do anything. I sat there with my arms crossed over my chest and watched him through narrowed eyes.

I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me in front of all of these people he considered his sheep, his blind followers. He had long since declared me an embarrassment, a loss, a wayward soul that was godless and not worthy of his guidance and tutelage, so I wasn’t about to prove him right in any way, shape, or form.