“Kodiak RJ Carver,” RJ murmurs, tracing the edge of the photo. “Kody. I can’t believe I didn’t put it together.”

I look up at him, a little embarrassed but more nostalgic than anything. “We made a lot of special memories there. Well, they were special for me.”

“It was the same for me, Lainey.” His eyes are soft, his tone earnest. “I want to make more of those with you. With both of you.”

CHAPTER 21

THE FALL BACK IN

Lainey

RJ left an hour ago—he kissed me on the cheek, which was very respectable and sweet. I’m disappointed, and then again I’m not, because I don’t think I’m ready to explore the chemistry that’s still very much present between us yet, and maybe he could sense that.

I’m about to give Kody his midnight feeding when my phone rings. I check the caller and see that it’s my mother. “Mom, why are you calling me at midnight?”

“Because I just got off the phone with Walter, and he informed me that a male visitor just left your apartment, that’s why I’m calling. Lainey Patricia Carver, you have a four-month-old baby—you can’t be entertaining men at midnight!” she shrieks in my ear. “I don’t know what in the devil has gotten into you, but Walter is absolutely devastated. Devastated. I raised you better than this. You are not some kind of hussy who spreads your legs for a man just because he’s attractive. Have you learned nothing from your mistakes?”

I grit my teeth, annoyed that Walter had the audacity to tell my mother about RJ. “First of all, Walter has no business calling you to tattle on me—”

“He didn’t call me. I called him because you hadn’t returned my call from over six hours ago. Six hours, Lainey! I’m a wreck over here!”

I take a deep breath and try to find some calm. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you right back. I was busy—”

“Being a floozy!” she shouts.

“First of all, you have no idea what was going on here. You’re making false assumptions, and the name-calling is unnecessary. I have not ever been, nor will I ever tolerate being called, a floozy—especially by my own mother. Secondly, I will not allow you to make me feel bad for allegedly engaging in a healthy physical relationship with someone I cared very deeply for.”

She scoffs. “He left you there—”

“Don’t,” I snap. “Don’t try to spin it in a way that makes it seem less than it was. We cared about each other, and unforeseen circumstances separated us. And while I agree that my falling pregnant was not ideal, I do not regret a moment of the time I spent with RJ or that I now have Kody.” The only thing I regretted was waiting until it was too late to tell him how I felt about him.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re tromping all over poor Walter’s feelings.”

My parents met Walter when they came out to meet Kody after he was born, and my mother instantly took a liking to him—so when I told her we’d become friends she was ecstatic, and she was even happier when I told her we’d gone on a date. Now I wish I’d kept that information to myself. “If you’d stop interrupting, I’d be able to explain that by some great karmic chance, RJ and I have reconnected. He lives here in Chicago, and he was here tonight, not some random male visitor I was flaunting in a bid to hurt poor Walter. And while I feel badly about the situation—and Walter—under the circumstances, I think it’s quite reasonable that RJ and I at least attempt to see if we can make this work between us, for the good of our child.”

“But I thought you said he was an alpaca farmer in New York—how can he live in Chicago?”

I cringe, because this is the part that’s not so easy to explain and the most difficult to get over. “His family owned an alpaca farm in New York but have since sold it. RJ plays professional hockey, here, in Chicago.”

“Professional meaning what?”

“He plays for the NHL.”

I get several long seconds of silence. “Doesn’t that mean he has to travel a lot? How can he provide any kind of emotional stability for you? For Kody? I don’t like this. Not one bit, Lainey.”

And this, right here, is the exact reason I’m in Chicago instead of Washington. I may have asked myself the same questions, but I don’t need my mother making this harder for me. “You can not like it all you want, but this is my life, not yours—and I get to make my own choices, whether you approve or not. It’s late—I’m tired. I have to feed Kody, and then I’d like to go to bed.”

“Lainey, please. I’m your mother. I know what’s good for you.”

“I love you, Mom, I really do, but you know what’s good for you, and that’s not necessarily what’s good for me. I’m going to try with RJ, for Kody’s sake and my own. You can support me or not, but either way, this is the choice I’m making.”

“Well, I think it’s another mistake.”

“You’re welcome to that opinion. I still love you, whether you choose to support my decision or not. Good night, Mom.” I end the call, expecting anxiety to take over. But it doesn’t. Instead I feel good about standing up for myself, even though it wasn’t easy.

Over the next couple of weeks, RJ—I can’t get in the habit of calling him Rook no matter how hard I try, which isn’t all that hard, to be quite honest—infuses himself into my and Kody’s lives. After the team doctor confirmed what we already knew to be the truth—RJ is Kody’s father—we’ve been spending as much time as possible together.

I now have a housekeeper who comes by not once but twice a week to tidy the apartment. A layer of dust doesn’t even have a chance to form before she’s back again. She also does all the laundry, and I’ll be honest—baby laundry is a giant pain in the butt. Baby clothes are adorable. And tiny. And babies go through clothes like they’re modeling for a runway fashion show. Except they’re often covered in spit-up—or, now that we’ve begun trying solids, explosive bowel movements. It’s the opposite of glamorous, and I’m pretty okay with not having to scrub out stains.

RJ has taken to coming to my place most nights of the week, unless he has early practice or he has to meet up with his teammates for evening meetings—which sometimes take place at the pub. He invites me to tag along or come to his practices, but I’m still trying to get used to him before I get used to all the other craziness that comes with his life and my being in it. The idea of sitting in an arena with all those people is enough to make my heart race and my palms sweat. I’m just not ready for that yet.

It’s bath night for Kody, which is his favorite. He loves splashing in the water and playing with his toys, so it’s kind of a production, but I don’t mind because he always sleeps so well afterward.

RJ picks him up from the play mat on the floor and gives him a raspberry on the tummy, which elicits a shriek and a giggle out of Kody. “Come on, little man, it’s bath time! You want to smell good for Stella at day care tomorrow. I saw you trying to steal her soother today, and I gotta tell you, that’s not the best way to make a good impression. If you don’t watch it, that little punk Hunter is going to move in on your territory. I saw him sharing his giraffe teether with her the other day. Now that’s how you get the girl.” Kody coos at his father, enthralled by everything he says like he’s actually mentally taking notes from him. RJ winks at me, and I follow him down the hall, shaking my head with a smile.