I realize the tears are flowing when I blink and a rush of them tumble down my cheeks. My earliest memories, to my most recent ones, are that of the same. She never supported me; she never believed in me; she never helped me when Jasper put his dirty hands on me. When I was thirteen and bleeding from rape, she told me to toughen up. She never did the one simple thing all mothers should do for their kids – she never loved me.

As her body convulses, and she begins turning blue, I find myself unwilling to help her. I just stand, watching the last moments of her life, watching as it’s all ripped from her.

When she takes her last gurgling breath, and her head flops to the side, my tears become heavier. That’s also when the panic sets in. I just let my mother die. I just stood there and let her die. The next few minutes of my life, happen in a blur. Before I know it, I’ve packed a bag and I’m running down the street. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. I’m just running. Before I get out of the alley beside my house, Jasper is there. He’s always there. His face is frantic, and he has a phone in his hand. He’s seen her; he knows what I did. When his eyes fall on me, he rushes over. I would continue to run, but my legs have turned to jelly.

“What the fuck have you done, snake!” he roars.

“She…she…she…took a drug overdose.”

“You fuckin’ little slut. This is your fault. It’s all your fault. You were meant to be watchin’ her. You were meant to be the one to keep this from happening. Instead, you run. She’s my best girl. She owes me money. You’ll pay for this.”

As he steps towards me, I react how anyone in my position would. I lash out. I have to escape this life. I have to escape him. If I stay here, he’ll turn me into her. He will make me the whore he made her. I’d rather die, but he won’t let that happen either. Last time I tried, he had me at the hospital before the drugs even hit my system. He’s keeping me alive because I’m his best asset and he knows it. So, the only way for me to be free, is to run. And the only way to run, is to get rid of him. I slide my fingers around to the back of my jeans where I tucked my mother’s gun on the way out. I wasn’t stepping out without protection. Not in a world as ugly as this. I point the gun at Jasper, and he stops, his face falling.

“Put that down!”

“You’ve made my life a living hell from the day you took my innocence without permission. You continued to rip every part of my soul to shreds, until there was nothing left.”

“You do this, snake, and I’ll make you pay,” he growls, but his voice is shaky.

“There’s nothing you could do, that you haven’t already done.”

“You’re nothing,” he growls. “Running won’t make you anything. You hurt me, you’re going to end up in jail, continuing to be a nothing. I allow you to survive.”

“You allow me nothing!” I scream, my hands shaking.

“Without me, you’re nothing! You run, you’re dead. You shoot me, you’re fucking dead!”

“I’ll risk it.”

I aim the gun down, and I press the trigger. I don’t want to kill him. I don’t have it in me. What I do have in me though, is the determination to make sure he never hurts another girl again, the way he did me. So, I shoot him in the crotch. Blood splatters over his legs and over the front of my shirt. My hands are trembling so hard the gun tumbles from my fingers. Jasper’s mouth opens, and for a moment it remains like that, a silent scream. Then the piercing, high pitched roar escapes. He falls to the floor, and I take a few steps back. I stare at the gun on the floor, and his bleeding, convulsing form.

Before I run, I lean down and snatch up his phone. I open it and dial the police. The police are familiar with me; they have been for a long time. They were forever around helping my mother out when she didn’t deserve it. When a familiar voice answers, it takes me a moment to get the words from my lips. My entire body feels numb. All I can feel is an odd prickling over my skin. Sweat trickles down my forehead and my legs are shaking so badly I struggle to stay upright. I let my own mother die, then I shot a man. Now, I don’t have a choice; I have to run but not before I finish this once and for all.

“Officer Kerry?” I whisper.

“Yes, who have I got?” his rough voice responds.

“It’s…Addison.”

“Addison, is everything okay?”

“My mother’s dead. I found her this afternoon. Jasper was there. He turned on me, so I ran. He followed me and cornered me in an alley. I s-s-shot him in the crotch. I was afraid. He’s alive, but there’s lots of blood.”

“Okay, Addison, it’s going to be fine. You’re not going to get into trouble for that. Sit tight. We’re on our way. Are you sure your mother is gone?”

“Yes,” I say. “Jasper killed her.”

Then I hang up the phone, and I run.

For good this time.

PRESENT

As soon as we step into Jackson’s house, he spins on us. His face is wild with rage. I know Cade dropping the ‘my girl’ bomb earlier didn’t go down well.

“The fuck is goin’ on?” he barks, crossing his arms.

“Addison and I…” Cade begins.

“Are fuckin’ doin’ nothing!” He spits. “Get your mother fuckin’ hands off her. You’re not fuckin’ touchin’ my daughter, Cade.”