But then again, maybe a distraction—something to take my mind off Winter and what happened last night in the shower—was exactly what I’d needed.

Perspective.

And closing my eyes, shutting off my head, and just charging on into whatever shit behavior I could, would tear my gut to shreds, so I couldn’t feel her anymore.

So I could let her go before she found out.

Maybe years down the road, when I was out of college, and she was older and away from her parents…

No.

No, that wouldn’t happen, either.

She’d still need to know the truth. About who I was and what I did to her these past few years. I didn’t want her to ever know.

I was fucked. It had to end.

I just had to find a diversion. A nice, healthy, blonde diversion who looked a little like Winter Ashby and smelled just as good.

Rika sensed me staring and turned her eyes over her shoulder, meeting mine.

I stared back at her.

She had blue eyes. Just like Winter.

But unlike Winter, I could hate Rika and remind myself what women were for.

They were the same age, too. I wasn’t sure if they hung out anymore, but maybe I could pretend the little Winter-lookalike was actually Winter to drown out the real one in my head.

Rika tipped her chin up and turned back around, and I laughed under my breath, taking another drag of my cigarette.

I always made her nervous, and I kind of liked it. As if there were a bigger game at play that we’d eventually get to someday, but neither of us knew what it was.

I saw Michael watching me in the rearview mirror, and I did a shitty job of hiding my grin.

Hey, if he didn’t want anyone else noticing his little piece of ass, he shouldn’t have brought her along in the first place. It was one thing to have your fun. It was another to do it in front of us.

Tonight was ours. She wasn’t important enough to be here.

He pulled up in front of the Ashby house, outside the walls with two tall columns with lanterns on top and the gate closed. Hopefully that meant the parents were out, and she was alone.

Or, at least her father was out. The mother said something during the fight last night about having to catch a plane today.

And Arion was away from her college for a semester abroad, so Winter was the only other person in the house.

I climbed up from my seat, heading for Will’s door to hop out. “I won’t take long.”

“Sooooo confident,” Will teased. “Get a great angle for us, okay?”

He held up the group cell phone we used to record all our pranks, and I took it, remembering I had that shot of Winter on it from last night. If it recorded at all. I’d dropped the phone, but thankfully it hadn’t broken.

Stuffing it in my back pocket, I flung open the door and hopped out, pulling up my hood.

“Got protection?” Will asked.

“Shut the fuck up.”

I slammed the door shut, hearing his chuckle from inside, and scaled the tree outside the wall, making my way over it in seconds, because this was not the first time I’d done this.

Landing on my feet, I jogged across the lawn, seeing a few lights her father left on in the house, my gaze immediately locking on the windows of the ballroom and hearing the music from inside. I couldn’t help but smile, knowing she was in there.

I dug out the key she gave me and pulled off my sweatshirt, tossing it behind some bushes, because it was covered in smoke.

Heading around to the backdoor, I unlocked it as quietly as possible and pushed it open, slipping into the dark kitchen and instantly hearing the music playing as loud as she wanted, because no one was home.

I crept down the hallway and through the foyer, veering right, toward the open ballroom doors with the music growing louder and drifting up to the ceiling.

It had a haunting, sad vibe, and my heart started thumping harder even before I entered.

She twirled around the floor, her head and arms all playing a part as her feet moved, creeping with the song, like someone possessed or lost in a dream. My throat swelled as I inched off to the side, in the shadows, not taking my eyes off her.

The chorus chanted, the drums like a pulse, and I watched her hair fly, and the muscles in her legs flex through her tight, black leggings. Slits cut across the back of her long-sleeve pink shirt, her sports bra and skin visible in the moonlight streaming in through the windows.

But I blinked

And the world was gone

The voice sang, the music coursing through her as if it were coming from her body, every movement perfectly timed. I scaled my eyes down her face and form as she spun and leaped, wishing I could be the air around her and feel her move.

My chest ached so badly it hurt to breathe.

There was no one in the world like her.

The music ended, and silence fell in the house as she fell back on her feet, breathing hard. She stayed there, unmoving and quiet.

And finally, her voice pierced the air. “Are you here?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Were you watching?” she asked softly.

I wanted to bring her into my chest and just feel her relax, easing her mind and making her feel safe.

But she’d smell the smoke still on me, which I didn’t hold back on tonight on purpose. I didn’t want to be tempted to come see her.

I did anyway, though. I’d told the guys I was paying a hot, little visit to Mrs. Ashby, knowing they’d love that. None of us liked her husband.

But I just wanted to see Winter.

After what I did to her last night.

“I hate that you don’t talk to me,” she said, still rooted in the same spot but slowly turning in a circle, because she didn’t know where I was. “Like really talk. But I guess it wouldn’t have been like you to still be here this morning.”

No, it wouldn’t have been. After another half-hour in the shower, we’d dried, and I dressed, following her down to her room to lay with her for a while.

When she fell asleep, I stayed.

Still not sleeping.

Until about four a.m., then I snuck out.

And told myself that tonight I’d screw someone else.

And get Winter out of me.

“You are like a ghost,” she mused. “Or a vampire. You’re only alive for me at night.”

She swallowed and inhaled a breath.

“It’s okay. I was warned, wasn’t I?” she said. “That you would hurt me?”

Yes.

“My father thinks it would be better for me back in Montreal,” she told me. “He says that ‘the community here can’t accommodate my needs.’”

She repeated his words, feigning his deep, condescending voice, but fire coursed up my neck, and I was nervous.

Back to Montreal.

Away.

I’d never see her. What if she stayed there after high school?

If I didn’t think we should see each other, then we wouldn’t, but I didn’t like the choice being taken from me.

“What he really means is that I can’t afford to be a teenager,” she explained. “He thinks I’ll make mistakes and be hurt.”

Like how she stayed out last night, past curfew, and made them worry. Doing things everyone does, but the rules for her were stricter, because they didn’t think she could protect herself.

Had she ever made them worry before? Her father was using this an excuse to send her away. With both daughters gone, he wouldn’t have a reason to return home more frequently than necessary. For appearances’ sake.

She grew quiet, dropping her head a little and pleading, “Don’t let me go.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, my insides knotting so tightly.

I didn’t want to let her go.

“He’s in the city tonight,” she said. “And my mother flew to Spain today to visit Ari. I have the whole house to myself. All night.”

Oh, Jesus. My chest caved.

What the fuck?

It was everything I wanted.

Don’t do this to me.

She smirked. “Suddenly you have nothing to say?”

And I shook my head, more to myself than her.

She could be anyone.

I could get from anyone what I got from her.

I didn’t want her in my head.

I don’t want this. I wanted her to stay perfect.

She’d find out, and it would be over.

Don’t stay, I told myself. And don’t come back.

“We don’t have to talk,” she told me. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower. You might join me, and I’d want that. And afterward, I’m going to climb into my bed to sleep, and you might join me. I’d want that, too.” She closed her eyes, looking like her heart was breaking. “I just want you here or wherever I am.”

She walked slowly toward the doors, finding her way into the foyer, and I followed her, watching her climb the stairs up to the bathroom.

Nothing sounded better than nestling in the warmth of her and her bed tonight.

But instead, I walked past the staircase, through the kitchen, and out the backdoor, locking it behind me as I left the house.

She could be anyone, I told myself. Anyone.

And I’d prove it.

Hours later, I drove Michael’s Mercedes G-Class, his brother next to me, and Will and Rika in the back.

Michael had left a while ago, pissed off at Rika for whatever reason and soothing himself with Kai and some booze and leaving her in our care.

It was perfect. I needed this.

I needed someone else. Someone who was nothing.

“Why are you wearing your mask?” Rika asked Trevor who sat quietly in the passenger’s seat.

I smiled to myself. She thought he was Kai, because he wore Kai’s mask. We weren’t going to tell her any differently, because Michael’s brother had a bone to pick with her, and so did I.

Nothing personal, kid. You’re just a distraction.

“The night’s not over yet,” I teased.

We raced down the dark, empty highway, heading in the direction of her house—where she thought we were taking her—but that wasn’t where we were going.

“You want him, don’t you?” I asked, playing with her. “Michael, I mean.”