Months went by and while I was starting to feel more alive, I was still followed around by the black cloud of sadness. It was made worse the day I heard Blow Hole’s first song on the radio. The guitar stuck out to me more than Finn’s loud voice. Damn, I missed Zeke.

Six months later, Sydney was comfortable in seventh grade at her new school and I was working double shifts at the restaurant. My aunt received money to care for Sydney, so some money was there, but somehow working made things better, kept my mind occupied.

I was at work when I overheard some girls at a table talking about the rock festival that was coming to Orlando. She threw out the names of the different bands that were coming.

I was wiping down a table that just left without a tip and my hand paused when I heard her say the name Blow Hole. I left the table and rudely interrupted their conversation.

“Excuse me, did you just say Blow Hole was going to be at some rock festival?”

The girls looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, but love made you do crazy things.

“Uh, yeah, it’s this weekend. The tickets are still for sale I think.”

I didn’t even listen to the rest. I turned and went for my purse. I told Gladys, the lady who owned the place, that I had a family emergency and then I drove home as quickly as possible so I could get on my aunt’s computer.

I Googled rock festivals in Orlando and, sure enough, it was there. I bought a ticket to Orlando Rockfest with plans of hopefully seeing Zeke. For the first time in months, I felt like I had something to look forward to. I felt happy. I just hoped it wasn’t too late and I really hoped he wasn’t seeing someone new and had forgotten about me.

Since I was going to Rockfest alone, I waited until later in the afternoon when Blow Hole was planning to go out. My fair skin and the Florida sun didn’t like each other very much. I’d already suffered four bad burns since I moved there.

When I got there, the band before Blow Hole was still playing. I stopped by a drink stand and grabbed a bottle of water and then pushed my way through the crowd with hopes of getting as close as possible to the stage. I could only hope he’d be able to spot me in the large crowd and I prayed if he did spot me, he wasn’t so upset with me that he’d ignore me.

When he and boys came out on stage, the night sky lit up with lights and the girls went crazy. It was then that noticed all the “I’m a freak for Zeke!” T-shirts the girls wore. I wasn’t afraid to admit that I was totally jealous.

Once they started playing, it was near impossible to get to the stage. Girls swarmed and a mosh pit formed right in the front center. No matter how bad I tried, I couldn’t squeeze myself through. Finally, I gave up. If this was going to be the last time I ever got to see him, then I wanted to actually see him.

The entire time so far I’d spent trying to move closer and I had yet to just stop and look at him. I missed him so much and I had no pictures of him. I was starting to forget what he looked like.

I took in his dark jeans and ripped T-shirt. His midnight bangs hung down into his face as usual and the light kept catching his facial piercings and making him shine. He was gorgeous. He was everything I ever wanted and I’d pushed him away and ran from everything he stood for.

I smiled when I saw he was still using the guitar I got him and I smiled even wider when I was able to see a tiny spot on his forearm from far away that I knew was my snowflake, but the longer I stood there, the more I realized that what I was trying to do was impossible. I should’ve been smart and came earlier. I should’ve braved the hot Florida sun for Zeke. At least that way I would’ve been guaranteed a front spot and could’ve got his attention.

Their last song was playing about the time I felt myself start to tear up. I’d failed and it was so hard to see him so close yet so far away. He was right there, yet I couldn’t touch him.

When their set was over, they said their goodnights and left the stage. Watching him walk away was so hard. Knowing I’d lost my chance was even harder. I turned to leave in hopes of getting out before the swarms of people headed to the parking lot.

This whole thing was a bad idea. If anything, I was leaving feeling worse than I did before, but I had to at least try. Zeke had been responsible for putting me back together and now I was more broken than I was when I first met him. I didn’t need him to live, but he sure as hell made me feel alive.

It was pitch black outside once I was far enough away from the show. People sprinkled the parking lot. A girl was throwing up next to her car and it made my stomach turn.

I passed by a bunch of buses and I thought maybe I could catch him on the way back to his bus, but there were so many people already lined up there, so I didn’t even bother. I was exhausted and ready to just go home.