Good in a cheesy way, right?

Last but not least, before you fall asleep from boredom, I’m a night owl and do my best work then, that’s why I’m up late every night.

Best wishes,

Ruby

From: [email protected]

Date: September 27, 2008 2:14 p.m.

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Hi Part 2

Ruby,

Let me get this straight. The soldier before me was sending you pictures of his “tick”? How did that even get started? Would it make it any better if I told you that your country appreciates your dedication, nudies or not? … that was supposed to be a joke.

What happened at Mardi Gras? You’ve got me imagining different scenarios again and it could be any of them… Most of them aren’t good. There’s a reason I’ve never been.

Cleopatra is one of the most expensive movies ever made? When I first read the 65 costume change thing it didn’t seem that… cool… but now that I’m thinking about it, that’s a lot of costumes, and they weren’t jeans and a T-shirt I’m guessing.

Don’t get me started on gaming. I needed an intervention to get me off WoW … World of Warcraft… on my last long leave. I didn’t leave my spot in front of the computer for two weeks unless it was to use the bathroom or grab food. You ever played it?

Your sister’s a figure skater? Like the ones on TV at the Olympics?

My ex-stepmom named Aries. She used to teach mythology and folklore.

Why’d you name your ferret Logan? For Wolverine?

You’re only 23? I thought you were older. Ten years between the oldest and youngest isn’t so bad. Did you drive your parents crazy? I do miss mine but not that much. I’m the middle one.

I’m sure your life is a hell of a lot more interesting than mine. For real. It’s the same thing every day. Work, eat, work out, sleep, video games.

I don’t have any kids either. Are you married? Don’t mean to sound like Soldier #2, just curious since you said you hoped to have some.

That joke… :] Cheesy good.

What do you do for a living where you can stay up all night?

-A

From: [email protected]

Date: September 30, 2008 1:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Tick Licks and Other Nosey Stuff

Hi Aaron,

Of course you want the story behind the dick pics. (Excuse my French.) I don’t really know how we even got to that point in our e-mails. I’ll call Solder #2 “Smith.” Smith and I had been e-mailing each other for about five months when he first started sending me pictures of himself. No biggie. He’d always been nothing but polite, asking me questions about myself, normal getting-to-know-you stuff. About two months after he started with the headshots, he started sending me some full body pictures that were a little funny in not a good way. I didn’t say anything. The next thing I knew, I had a version of half-mast on my cell phone screen. Then, I had the full sausage and eggs, if you get my drift. No thank you. I would rather volunteer as a nurse on the front lines than send some random guy a picture of my no-no parts.

I already told you about the soldier, you tell me what you think happened at Mardi Gras, and I’ll confirm or deny.

The only movies I can think of that have been more expensive are Titanic, Pirates of the Caribbean, Waterworld and Spiderman. Those all came out thirty years after Cleopatra did. Crazy, huh? You’re right, none of the costumes were jeans and T-shirts. They were all really intricate. I want to say I read somewhere they spent almost two hundred thousand dollars just on her wardrobe alone.

Have I ever played WoW? I led my own WoW guild when I was 18, thank you very much. I finally had to go cold turkey my second semester in college because I started to see I was going to fail if I didn’t get my shit together. MMORPGs are dangerous. I can’t even look at the game in stores without starting to itch. I can relate to Smeagol’s obsession a little too well. No joke. (Smeagol is a character off Lord of the Rings, FYI.)

My sister is trying to eventually qualify for the Olympics. She’s won a bronze medal at a major junior competition two years in a row. She didn’t start skating until she was nine, and most that go professional get on the ice when they’re barely learning how to walk, so you can say we all think she’s pretty amazing for going so far in such a short time. I could talk all day about her, if you can’t tell.

In high school, we spent a whole semester on Greek mythology in English. I still remember a lot of it. I read a lot, too.

I didn’t name him after the X-Men. Logan is a character on one of my favorite TV shows, Veronica Mars.

How old are your siblings? Do they still live in Louisiana? You’re right, five kids in ten years is a lot. I don’t know how my mom survived, but I feel like that’s part of the reason why her and my dad’s marriage didn’t make it. They could never agree on how to deal with us. My mom is bananas too.

How old did you think I was…? How old are you?