One more day until I can resume classes, and for once, I can’t wait to sit through a lecture.

Charisma’s been here the majority of her free time, keeping me company and bringing me notes from Cartwright’s class, even though a TA is getting all my stuff together and delivering it to me. A tutor showed up the first day and went over my missed classes. He comes each day for a couple of hours in the evening and then heads out. Thank God. At least I might still graduate.

She holds out my pain meds. “Here, take these. It’s Aleve.”

I’m off the heavy drugs, only having used them on day one. Feeling stubborn, I set the Aleve on the nightstand and look at the TV, but I’m not paying attention. I feel antsy as hell. Shit is piling up in my room, and surprisingly, it bothers me. Books, papers, and my laptop are scattered on the bed.

She turns my ceiling fan on and busies herself with picking up my dirty clothes off the floor, taking them into my bathroom, and putting them in the hamper. She closes the blinds, darkening the room. Her eyes find mine and her face is blank, and I’m thankful for that at least, glad she isn’t giving me pity or bringing up the Combine. No one wants to talk about it, not Dillon or Ryker. They don’t know what to say, I guess, and they can feel my nerves, itching to lash out.

“You want me to grab some protein bars for later?” she asks.

“No.”

My eyes go over her short green and navy plaid skirt and the fitted white shirt she’s wearing. She looks hot, and I swallow down feelings of helplessness. “You’ve got fencing today? Be sure Chess Boy keeps his sword to himself. I should have taken that class.”

A laugh comes from her, and I smile. She’s been so goddamn careful around me.

“I’ll remind him what a badass you are. Maybe he’ll be scared,” she teases.

“He better be.”

She laughs and picks up notes that scattered from the fan.

I tear my eyes off her and stare down at the breakfast she brought me from the student center. “Don’t worry about bringing more food. Dillon said he’d bring me dinner later.” She lingers next to my bed, and I reach out and grab her hand. “You really need to get to class. Cartwright will be ringing that bell soon.”

While I go nuts. Alone.

She leans down and kisses me long and slow, until I’m arching up off the bed to reach more of her mouth.

“I can stay if you want…I’ll do all the work and be careful of your ankle,” she whispers.

“You could.” I cup her face. “But you’ve already missed classes just to hang out with me.”

“Meh. I catch up quick.”

My finger brushes over her shirt, lingering on where I know her piercing is. I want my tongue there.

Her eyes widen and she pulls back. “Shit—we have a quiz today. I totally forgot. I gotta go.”

Deep disappointment hits. “Of course you do, Charm. Get out of here before you miss it. I’m used to doing this solo. I got it, babe.”

She stands and gives me a searching look, her expression cautious. “Blaze?”

I adjust my ankle. “Yeah?”

“I love you.” Her voice is incredibly soft, and I…I can’t breathe.

The room spins a little, and I grasp the blankets to anchor myself.

She’s never said it out loud.

I inhale a deep gasp of air, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal that a girl has said she loves me, but it is. People use pretty words for their emotions, but I never have. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. I prefer actions, but she…she needs more, and I know it. My heart pounds as fear inches in, of putting my feelings out there, of being completely vulnerable. Prickles of awareness hit me mid-chest, my gut pushing me, urging me to…

I swallow. “Charm, I…” My eyes dart around the room. “I…think you shouldn’t miss that quiz.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her give me a nod. “Right. Of course.”

I feel her staring at me, but I keep my gaze off her.

“If you need anything, just shoot me a text.” Her voice is quiet.

I nod.

She walks to the door and stops, waiting several seconds. “I’ve got a big project to work on so I won’t be coming over later.”

“Sure.” In my peripheral vision, I watch her slip out the door. Inside I’m screaming for her to come back and let me try again, but that familiar hesitation won’t release me. I waver when it really counts, but even knowing it, I can’t…

I hear the door shut out in the den. She’s gone, and I let out a breath.

Later, I’ll beat down this fear, I fucking will, and I’ll tell her how I feel.

I swear. I swear.

Once I get myself straight with this ankle.

Dillon waltzes in a few hours later, fresh from a shower and dressed to go out. He brought me a pizza earlier and I could barely eat it. My head is…jacked.

“Hey, man, Happy Birthday,” I say, pushing away the homework in my lap. He’s twenty-one today and full of fire, and I don’t want to rain on his parade. “You gonna party your ass off?” I push out a grin. “Wish I could go with you.”

He flashes a smile, then gives me a serious look. “Charm not here tonight? I can stay and hang—”

“Get your ass out that door. At least ten girls are waiting on you to show your face at Caddy’s.”

He rubs his head, which is normally shaved but has quickly grown into a clipped style over the past few weeks. “True that. They’ve all been texting to see who’s the lucky lady tonight.” He laughs, lingering at my door. “I’ll keep your door shut in case some of us come back, okay?”

I nod and gesture to my books and meds on the nightstand. “Trust me, I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”

He leaves the dorm and I pick up my laptop to work on my notes, but my eyes get heavy and I push them away. Later, I focus on the TV, watching Mark Antony for a while, until the room darkens and my eyes are closing. At least oblivion pushes away football and Charisma.

*

I slowly come to in my bed. It’s late; I can tell by the total darkness in the room and the TV that’s turned itself off. I’m lying on my back, and I figure I must have moved around in my sleep to get comfortable. One glance at the clock tells me it’s midnight.

A warm body is pressed against mine, a small hand curled around my waist, fingers idly drawing small circles on my bare chest.

“Charm, baby.” I turn to face her, my hands reaching out in the dark to touch her, needing my anchor.

She sighs and scoots in closer to me, her hands slipping under my shorts and stroking my cock. I groan, arching up off the bed. It’s been three days since I had her, since I was between those legs. We could have had sex, but I hadn’t been in the right headspace, and maybe part of me had needed some distance, to think about the Combine and how screwed up it was.

But now…after what she said…I need her. I don’t know what love is, but I can show her how I feel.

I reach for her breast. It’s warm and small and—

I stiffen.

“Blazey…”

“Dani! What the fuck? How did you get in here?” I scramble up on the bed and reach over to turn on the lamp.

What did I almost…what did I do?

She blinks at the light and sits up, the covers slipping down to show bare breasts. Her skin reeks of alcohol.

I look away from her. “Seriously? You’re insane! Who let you in?”

She laughs. “Came back to party with Dillon and snuck in here to check on you. You looked so sad, all injured, and I wanted to make you feel better.”

I hobble to standing. “I wasn’t sad. I was asleep! Get your clothes on and get out.”

“Don’t be like that. I’ve waited forever for this. Come on,” she murmurs, her voice slurring.

I hop forward to the wall and turn on the overhead light. My heart has slowed down a notch, but I’m anxious to get her ass gone. “You don’t just waltz in here and act like it’s okay to get in my bed. If I’d done that to a girl, it would be serious shit. I’m not into you and I never was. I don’t want anything you have to offer.”

I brush my gaze over her and see her face has reddened. “You’re a giant dick. I hope that Chi-O dumps your ass.” She eases out of the bed on the other side, nonchalant about the fact that she’s stark naked.

Fuck me. I shudder and rub my face, dread pooling as I think about explaining this to Charisma.

30

I slam my laptop closed and rub my forehead.

“Get me some cheese,” screeches Vampire Bill from his perch.

I send him a look. Dream on, buddy, my eyes tell him.

He seems to get it and glares back. “Get your skinny ass down the road,” he retorts.

Standing up, I stretch, going over my presentation for tomorrow’s design class. It’s good, and I’m stoked I got it down.

I throw him a glance. “Maybe I will.”

He moves his head back and forth as I consider popping in on Blaze. Checking the clock, I see it’s eleven-thirty, probably too late to stop by unannounced. I think back to today. He looked so lost in that bed, worried and frazzled, and when I told him I loved him…

He didn’t say it back.

He wouldn’t even look at me.

I laid myself out there, and he just pretended I never said those words.

Yet, part of me knows it’s there…right?