Cara

Growl’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t asleep though. Not that I knew how he looked when he was actually asleep, since he never let me be anywhere close when he was that vulnerable. Whenever he got this close to sleep, he’d send me away or he’d leave if he was in my bedroom.

I scooted to the edge of the bed and untangled myself from the blankets. I’d stayed for far too long already. My eyes were growing heavy. I didn’t want to be woken and sent away by Growl later. It was easier this way, when leaving seemed like my choice and not a result of his incapability or unwillingness to share a bed with me, his incapability of giving me more closeness than was absolutely necessary. It was ridiculous how this small semblance of choice made me feel better.

My feet hit the cold floor and a familiar shiver raced down my spine. This time I didn’t allow myself to perch on the edge of the bed. I stood. I hadn’t moved a single step when a strong hand wrapped around my wrist. “Stay,” came the rough command.

I froze, my gaze darting toward Growl. He was still sprawled out on the bed, his eyes still closed. Nothing in his demeanor had changed, and if it weren’t for his hand holding on to me tightly, I’d have convinced myself that I’d imagined the word.

I didn’t dwell on why he’d changed his mind. I slipped back under the covers, and only when I lay beside him did Growl let go of my wrist.

“Why?” I asked softly. He stayed on his back, didn’t reach for me, and I didn’t try to snuggle up to him. It would have been too much. This, inviting me to stay the night, was already a huge step for him.

“Don’t ask,” he rumbled.

Growl extinguished the lights and darkness fell over us. I hardly dared to breathe, much less move, acutely aware that Growl was probably listening to my every sound. Was I intruding? Was he already regretting that one word?

I pushed the thoughts away, and then when I least expected it, Growl put his hand against my back. A light touch, but enough. Another step in the right direction. With the sound of his unchanging breathing in the background and the feel of his palm lightly resting on my back, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-three

Cara

That night I was woken twice by nightmares. Not my own, though. Growl was writhing and panting in his sleep. I hadn’t dared waking him. I had a feeling he wouldn’t like that I knew of his troubles.

It was strange seeing him distressed, his face twisted with agony. I’d never considered that something could bother him so much. Perhaps he was even more human than I thought.

He wasn’t in bed when I woke, but I found him in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee as usual. Even now that we had a kitchen table in the penthouse, he still preferred to stand, as if he needed to be prepared to run at any moment. And for a moment, I allowed myself to regard him: how out of place he looked in the sleek, expensive kitchen, how out of place he obviously felt.

Coco and Bandit were sitting by his side, staring up at him with adoring eyes.

“Morning,” I said.

Growl filled a cup and handed it to me. I smiled and briefly touched his forearm in thanks. He didn’t move away, and his gaze gave me pause. I drank my coffee, giving him the time he needed to say what he wanted.

“I have a request,” Growl said quietly.

“Okay.” What could I possibly do for him?

He peered down at Coco and Bandit. “Will you take care of my dogs in case anything happens to me?”

I frowned. “Nothing will happen to you. We’ll all go to New York together.”

“You should be looking forward to the prospect of my death,” he rasped. “I’m sure you’ve wished for it often.”

I should hope for it, and in the beginning I had. I had even tried to kill him myself, after all. Soon we’d risk our lives. Perhaps this was the last time we’d be together. It was strange to think about it. Even stranger that I was sad about it. I scanned his face. I was no longer scared of him, and I no longer wished for him to die—far from it.

I reached out very slowly and traced the scar around his neck. Growl stilled but he didn’t stop me. Surprise washed over me. It felt like a miracle that he let me do this, and deep down I was suddenly afraid; afraid of my emotions and what the future held for me.

“You won’t die. You’re the strongest person I know,” I whispered. I stepped very close to him and locked eyes with his.

“I’m not.” His amber eyes sucked me in. So many horrors lay beyond them, and yet I didn’t hate him, not anymore.

How could I have let this happen?

“What’s happening to us?” I asked quietly.

Growl frowned.

“What am I to you?”

“You are mine,” he said simply. His.

His possession? His gift? Only that, or more?

It didn’t matter. Once I was in New York, there was no future for us. I wouldn’t stay with Growl. I couldn’t, couldn’t do this to Mother and my sister. They wouldn’t understand, and how could they, when even I didn’t know how it had happened.

GROWL

“I will take care of your dogs if that’s what you want,” Cara said.

I wanted many things, things I’d never wanted before. Most of all I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to lose her, and that for the first time in my life I was scared to die because I wanted to have more time with her. Yet at the same time I was scared not to die, because then I’d see her leave me the moment we were in New York.

“Coco and Bandit love you,” I told her, and it wasn’t all I wanted to say, but I couldn’t speak the rest.

She searched my eyes, but I wasn’t sure what she was looking for. Even now I hardly understood the workings of her brain. She was a mystery to me, would probably always be, but it didn’t matter. Somehow, she’d done what no one else had ever accomplished She’d bound me to her, and I would always be loyal to her.

I’d been loyal to Falcone too, but it had been a different kind of loyalty. I would have died for Falcone, because I had never before cared if I lived or died. But now, now I wanted to live, and yet I’d gladly give my life for Cara, so she could be happy.

“And I love them,” Cara said softly.

The word “love” from Cara’s lips did something to me, something I could not understand.

Cara

The next morning Growl woke me before sunrise. He had been gone all night and I’d been sick with worry because he hadn’t warned me that he’d be gone so long.

“We have to act today,” Growl said as he hovered over me.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly. “What…” I stopped myself, realizing what he meant. I sat up. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Falcone is tired of negotiating with New York. I doubt he’ll have use for your mother much longer.”

I pushed out of bed. “Are we ready?”

We couldn’t fail.

“Ready enough,” Growl rasped. “We have to risk it. We can’t wait. I found someone who will help us. I can’t take care of everything on my own.”

“Can we trust him?”

Growl shook his head. “I don’t trust anyone. But he’s on Falcone’s hit list, and I offered him a chance to escape. It also helps that Falcone killed his brothers and he’s out for revenge like we are. I was supposed to kill him.”