He crossed his arms and his expression darkened. “Then maybe I’m not the one who’s scared, here. Did your piece of shit ex freak you out so much, you’re afraid to try again?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with him.”

“No? Could have fooled me. You have a shitty breakup and the next guy has to pay for it.”

“The next guy?” I put my hands on my hips. “Since when are you the next guy? I think you skipped a step or five.”

“You know what, forget it. I’m sorry I had the wrong idea. I thought maybe I was more to you than warm body with a dick, but apparently I was wrong.”

“Are you kidding me right now? Of course you mean more to me than that.”

He shook his head and stomped down the hallway toward the front door.

“Gavin.” I followed him, my heart racing. “This isn’t fair. You can’t marry someone for the wrong reasons. It won’t work. You’re supposed to be in love, not just afraid they’re going to die or marry someone else someday.”

He yanked the door open, but paused and looked back at me over his shoulder. “I am in love with you.”

Those words stunned me into silence, and before I could take a breath to answer, he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

37

Gavin

The first rule of bridge jumping was don’t look down. Same went for bungee jumping or skydiving, or any time you were about to throw yourself off a stable surface into the air. Instructors would tell you to look at the scenery, keep your eyes on the horizon, look up at the sky. Anywhere but down.

I climbed over the bridge railing and kept my eyes forward. I knew what the water looked like below me. It was deep and wide—too deep to make out much at the bottom of the dark water. This was going to be cold as fuck, but I was a strong swimmer. I’d get back to the bank.

And I’d worn a helmet. I was crazy, but I wasn’t stupid.

My brothers had asked me a thousand times why I had a death wish. I told them, every single time, that I didn’t want to die. Quite the opposite, actually. I wanted to live.

And I’d spent the last twenty-four hours fucking living.

No, I wasn’t out here hoping I might not make it out alive. I was out here to show this fucking bridge who was boss.

It wasn’t the bridge that had almost taken Skylar. I couldn’t jump from that one, even if it hadn’t been smashed by a giant tree. This was a bridge I’d been wanting to tackle for a long time. Not many guys had jumped it, even my friends who were into this shit.

I sucked in a couple of breaths and hit my chest a few times. Then I said fuck it all, and looked down.

The wave of disorientation hit me hard, but I was ready for it. I held on to the railing behind me and waited until my brain got its bearings. My heart beat furiously, but that was why I was here.

Once again, I was the shark. I had to keep moving.

After leaving Skylar’s house yesterday, I’d been too amped up—crawling out of my own skin. I’d gone straight for Evan’s place to take my dirt bike out on the trails. After a hard ride, I’d been physically tired, but mentally I hadn’t been able to stop. I’d wound up at the Mountain Goat Tavern playing blackjack with a bunch of guys from the sheriff’s department.

They’d cleaned me out, so I’d gone home to crash for a few hours. Sleep hadn’t helped. I’d woken up with a bunch of energy, and the feeling of my chest being crushed hadn’t gone anywhere.

So I’d gone rock climbing. And when that didn’t help, I’d decided I needed to tackle this fucking bridge.

It was symbolic. I hadn’t been myself since Skylar and Caroline’s accident. If I came out here and jumped off this bridge—alone, in the cold—it had to make me feel better. I was going to fucking conquer this, right here and now.

The water flowed below me, little eddies and whirls on the surface. Everything seemed to get quiet and still, and for a second, my heartbeat slowed.

I loosened my grip on the railing.

“Gavin!” Logan’s panicked voice rang out from my right. He ran toward the bridge with Levi right next to him. They were followed by Evan and Asher.

Damn it.

“Gavin, don’t fucking jump!”

Gritting my teeth, I almost let go. It wasn’t like I was trying to kill myself. I’d be fine.

Physically, at least. I wasn’t fine, and I knew it. But I had no idea what to do about that.

But something in Logan’s voice made me hesitate. And I didn’t jump.

And something about that made me mad.

Anger was a feeling I could understand. So I grabbed onto it.

They hit the bridge deck and I swung one leg over the railing and hoisted myself over. Logan reached me first. He grabbed my shirt and jerked me away from the edge.

“What the fuck?” I yelled, shoving him off me.

My brothers circled around me, like they were worried I’d make a run for it and throw myself off the edge. Asher crossed his arms and Evan locked me in a dangerous stare.

“What the hell are you doing?” Logan asked.

Levi ran his hands through his hair. “Jesus, Gav, you scared the shit out of us.”

“You guys are right on time. I didn’t need an audience, but why the fuck not?”

“Are you insane?” Logan asked.

“I can make the jump,” I said. “The water’s deep enough.”

“It’s like forty fucking degrees out here,” Asher said.

I scoffed. “Whatever. I’d make it to the bank.”

“Like hell you would,” Levi said. “You’d fucking drown out there.”

“You can’t bridge jump alone, especially this time of year,” Asher said.

“You guys realize I’m an adult, right? I don’t need your asses babysitting me all the time.”

“We just chased you down when you were on the brink of throwing yourself off a goddamn bridge,” Levi said. “And this is after you almost wrecked your bike, lost who the fuck knows how much money playing blackjack, and went rock climbing alone on a day when it might have rained. And that’s just the stuff we know about.”

“It didn’t rain.” I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.

Levi lunged at me, but Evan stepped in and put a hand on his chest.

“Not here,” Evan said, his low voice rumbling. “We take him to the Arena.”

My whole body lit up at the suggestion. The Arena was where my brothers and I settled our differences, Bailey brothers style. It had started when we were kids. Gram had given us boxing gloves and made us duke it out when we had a problem. When we’d gotten older, we’d taken it up a notch, and created the Arena. Sure, it was a little barbaric—a sort of gladiatorial test of will between brothers. But it worked.

And right now, getting a chance at one of my brothers in the Arena sounded fucking great.

“You coming, or do we have to hog tie you first?” Levi asked.

I undid the latch on my helmet and took it off. “No, I’m in. Let’s fucking do this.”

Logan shoved me in his truck instead of letting me drive my own, but I’d deal with that little grievance later. If he wouldn’t get in the ring with me, I’d find a way to get in a shot at him.