I did. And sometimes, I see her when she’s slipping out of her element.

But not once have I mistook her for anyone else.

This is Elsa.

My Elsa.

I’ll fight the fucking ghosts away from her if I have to.

“W-what did Ma do, Aiden?” Her hands and legs shaking. She’s all shaking as if she’s coming down from an adrenaline rush.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t ask questions. Not now.” I pull her wet hands from under the water and cradle them in mine. “I want to feel you, Elsa. I want to engrave myself under your skin as deep as you engraved yourself under mine.”

“How?” She sobs, gasping on the words. “H-how can you want me when I hate myself right now?”

“You can hate yourself, and I’ll still want you, sweetheart.” I tug her into me and grip her by the hips. “I told you I’ll protect you, remember?”

She stares up at me with broken blue eyes.

That look makes me want to rip my heart out and lay it at her feet.

It’s the same look she gave me when she first saw me in her parents’ basement.

And the look she gave me when I last saw her in that fucking house.

It’s her. Not her mother.

Elsa has always been different from the monsters who ruled her life.

She can be them sometimes, but deep down, she didn’t change.

She didn’t become like me.

Using her hips, I push her until her back hits the wall. “I want you. I need you. You’re the only one I’ll ever need.”

“Aiden…” Her wet, reddened hand gets lost in my hair. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“So am I sweetheart.” Because I put her in the middle of a war against Jonathan that we both might lose.

If I end up falling with her, then so fucking be it.

I already decided that Elsa is mine and no one fucks with what’s mine.

“Make me forget,” she whispers, eyes still shining with tears and legs trembling.

I don’t even need an invitation. I yank her dress up and my jeans down. She wraps her legs around me as I thrust inside her.

Fuuuuck.

I can’t and will never get enough of the feeling of being inside her.

It’s a drug dose.

It’s a sense of belonging.

It’s finding a piece of yourself after years of separation.

Elsa is damnation, but she’s also the only fucking thing that makes sense.

The little shaky moans she makes as I thrust into her burst straight to my heart. She’s biting her lower lip like she doesn’t want to let any sound escape.

“Let go,” I grunt near her ear. “You never have to hold back with me.”

“This is so fucked up. This is so wrong.” She grips me tighter with every word.

Even if it’s fucked up and wrong, she still wants me with every fibre in her.

My pace picks up and I hit her sweet spot over and over again.

She cries out, holding on to me for dear life. “Oh, my God, Aiden!”

Her God.

I always loved the sound of that. Being her God is the best gift I could ever receive.

I keep pounding into her until she can no longer breathe, let alone protest. She unravels all around me and I follow soon after.

She falls limp around me, her head hiding in my neck, breathing heavy. I like how she trusts me enough to fall asleep like this all around me.

She doesn’t see me as a threat anymore.

Just like I don’t.

With her still wrapped all around me, I carry her to the bedroom and lay her on the bed. When I straighten up to remove my jacket, she clutches me by the hem of my shirt.

I’m gutted.

I’m fucking gutted by the pleading in her eyes.

I throw the jacket away and slide beside her. She lays her head on my shoulder and wraps both her legs and arms around me.

My Elsa.

She’s mine.

Fucking mine.

And no one will change that.

Not even her.

Her breaths even out, and I think she fell asleep, but then she murmurs, “I love you, Aiden. I think I always have.”

39

Elsa

“D-addy?”

My little feet skid to a halt.

Blood.

A pool of blood and Daddy lies in it.

My ears ring as I approach him. “D-Daddy! You p-promised you won’t leave me like Eli.”

“I need you to do something for me, princess.”

“Anything, Daddy.”

“Run. The fastest you can.”

“No,” I sob. “I won’t leave you.”

“Run!”

“Daddy!”

“RUN!”

A bang comes from behind me and harsh hands pull me by my hair.

He’s not moving.

Daddy isn’t moving.

Open your eyes. Tell me you love me. Don’t go to Eli. I need you more.

“Daddy!”

* * *

My eyes shoot open, chest heaving. I’m lying on my side, sweat beading on my brows.

Dad.

Oh, God. Dad.

Didn’t he die from the fire? How come he was surrounded by blood?

Or was that just my imagination?

No. The grief gripping me by the throat can’t be imaginary.

Tears threaten to spill free, but I hold them back when I recognise the weight spooning me from behind.

Aiden’s leg is wrapped around mine and his arm is securely tightened around my stomach.

His free hand draws patterns over my back.

The same patterns he’s always been drawing whenever we’re in the bath or after sex.

I stare at the light coming from the window.

Shafts of the sun peek through.

Sun after the rain.

Beauty after the storm.

The more Aiden touches me, the harder I fall into his warmth.

His unspoken emotions.

His unconditional acceptance.

I don’t turn around for fear that the spell may be broken. I don’t turn around because I can’t face him after yesterday.

For the rest of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully face him.

Aiden, my bully and my tormentor, is a victim of my parents.

He was just a boy back then. A little boy with tousled black hair and innocent grey eyes.

That innocence was tortured in that basement and killed when he returned to find his mother dead.

There was something abnormal about that basement. Something that makes my skin crawl.

He lost a part of himself in there. Hell, I feel like I lost a part of myself in there, too.

I just don’t remember it.

Aiden isn’t like me. He didn’t erase his memories. He remembers everything.

Every. Fucking. Thing.

A shudder goes through me at the thought of what could’ve happened to him.

Since I left Dr Khan’s office, my heart has been hollow. I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown.

I wanted to go to Birmingham and stand on my parents’ grave and shout at them.

I wanted to kick their dead bodies and tell them to give me back my life.

But that would be useless. No one will give me back what was already stolen.

Just like nothing will bring back what Aiden has already lost.