There are a variety of answers I could give him. My life has been a road paved with spikes and nails. I’ve plugged, patched, and replaced the tire, but the car has never ridden the same. The loss of a child isn’t a patch job.

Zach’s back is against the wall, so I walk toward him until we’re touching. “I never speak about it. Somewhere deep inside of me, it lives, but for the most part, I don’t think about it ever. You were the one man I dreamt my whole life of sharing a child with. When that dream became my worst nightmare, I became hollow.” His eyes lock on mine. “When I got back here, I was dealing with Todd’s suicide, my debt, my boys, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to that pain too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but honestly, I didn’t want to live in the past once we’d made the decision to start over.”

“You had no problem throwing the past in my face,” he says with frustration.

He’s right. I didn’t. “I was wrong.”

“I’ve lived with guilt for all these years from walkin’ away from the girl I loved more than anything. I’ve struggled with forgiving myself. I’ve fought every damn day to prove that I’m better for you!” He moves forward, forcing me to retreat. “I’ve given you every part of me, Presley.” His chest heaves as tears form in his own eyes. “Me! Only me! I’ve kept all your secrets! I’ve stood by your side. Held you when you’ve cried over everything that Todd put you through!”

“I didn’t ask you to keep secrets,” I scream. “So now you’re going to use Todd’s suicide against me?” I push him back. “I was leaning on you. Do you think it was easy for me to tell you that he killed himself?”

“Don’t talk about my daddy!” Logan rushes forward, pushing against Zach.

My stomach drops. I don’t know when he got here, but this wasn’t supposed to be how my son learned the truth.

This is all my fault. Secrets come to light no matter how hard we try to bury them.

“L OGAN!” I RUSH TOWARD HIM.

“That didn’t happen! My daddy would never! He loved me!” He slams his hands on Zach’s legs.

Zach crouches down and holds Logan. “Of course he loved you,” Zach says, looking at me with regret.

“You’re not allowed to yell at my mom!” He continues to thrash in his arms. “You’re not my dad!”

“I know, little man. I know I’m not. But I care about you.”

“No, you don’t! You’ll never be my dad! I hate you!”

The stitches holding together my shredded heart rip apart. Again my son is hurting. I’m so inept. I don’t know how to do this. How do I keep screwing up?

I grab Logan and pull him into my arms. “Stop! Logan, stop!”

He fights me away, trying to get to Zach. “Logan.” Zach’s voice is desolate. “Logan, I’m not . . . I . . . I would never try to take your dad’s place.” His eyes are filled with fear. I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe Logan heard what I said. “I would never hurt your mom.”

I cradle him. “Zach and I . . .” I start but what the hell do I even say? We were fighting? So what? He never should have heard it like this. “I’m sorry, Lo.”

“Why did you lie about Daddy? Why did you say he killed himself? He didn’t.” Logan begins to cry. “His heart stopped!”

“His heart did stop,” I explain.

He looks at me with so much pain in his eyes. “You told me he was in Heaven. You didn’t tell me killed himself! You didn’t tell me that he didn’t want to be with us anymore.”

I take Logan’s face in my hands. “No, he loved you and wanted to be with you!”

“You’re lying,” he cries. “You made us move here. We didn’t want to come here. We wanted to stay in our home.” His tears stream as my heart breaks. “I want my dad back!”

“I know you do. I wish he never left us either.”

“You can’t say that!” he yells. “You love Zach!”

“Logan,” Zach says, touching his arm. “Your mama loved your daddy so much. She told me about how much she misses him. She told me all about what a great man he was. How he took care of you, took you to hockey games.”

“My daddy was the best!” he says with defiance.

“He had to be if he had you and Cayden.”

Logan looks away with tears falling.

“Logan,” I say with tenderness.

“He was yelling at you! Daddy never yelled at you!”

“What’s wrong?” Angie asks out of breath with Cayden’s hand in hers. She sees all of us with tears running down our faces. “Logan?”

“Tell her, Aunt Angie!” he begs. “Tell Mom that Daddy didn’t kill himself!”

Cayden’s body locks and Angie holds him close. His eyes dart to mine and Angie’s.

“Lo,” she hiccups. “It’s so much more complicated than this.”

Wyatt, Cooper, Mama, and Daddy arrive behind her.

“Mom?” Cayden asks.

“You’re all wrong!” Logan screams. “He . . . he . . . he . . .” Logan turns his head into my chest. “He wouldn’t kill himself!”

“Cayden,” I say softly with my arm open.

He charges forward and wraps his arms around me. “Why?” he asks. “Is it true?”

Angie looks at me and her lip quivers. I beg her with my eyes to say something. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m losing everything all over again.

“You know that your daddy was my brother,” she says as she walks forward slowly, “and that I miss him every day, but sometimes things happen that we can’t explain. It’s hard and it hurts, but know how much he loved you both.”

“He loved my mom!” Logan yells.

This is so out of character for him. He’s always been the docile one. Reasonable and intuitive.

I cling to the boys as I grapple with the wounds I’ve caused. I was protecting them, or so I thought. It would’ve been hard and hurtful if I’d told them in the beginning, but maybe it would’ve been fine by now. I’ve been dying inside from carrying all of this on my own.

Angie looks at me, and her breath catches as tears pour down her face. “He did.” Her voice is low and broken. “He loved us all so much. But he was very sad, baby.”