“‘Are you sure that we are awake? It seems to me that yet we sleep, we dream.’” She was quoting A Midsummer Night’s Dream as her sweater found its placement in my back seat.

Her fingers started at the top of her neck and she caressed her body as she moved her fingers down her neck, across her cl**vage and to her bra. Her eyes closed and I watched as she touched herself in front of me, her mouth parting in excitement.

“You’re killing me, Ashlyn,” I muttered, watching, feeling myself harden as I watched.

She leaned her seat back, lying backwards. Her hands were still running against her body. I watched her deep inhales and heavy exhales. “‘Up and down, up and down. I will lead them up and down…’” she quoted. Her fingers moved down her chest, traveling toward her belly button. She turned her head in my direction and she smiled easily with closed eyes. Her fingers started unbuttoning her jeans. “‘I am feared in field in town—’”

A growl rolled through me and my hands landed on top of hers. Her green eyes shot open and her mouth parted at seeing my eyes filled with need. My hands unzipped her jeans and I pulled them down a bit. Slightly teasing the skin above her panties, I listened to her moan.

“‘Goblin, lead them up,’” I started to finish her quote. My fingers traced up to her bra, grazing over her hardened nipples. Her hands flew over her head and she gripped the headrest behind her. With quickening breaths, her excitement deepened. Sliding my fingers down her skin, my hand slid into her panties and I listened to her burst with pleasure as I whispered against her ear, “‘And down.’”

I had no need to enter my house. If I never saw another woman’s na**d body again, I would be fine as long as this one was mine.

So we didn’t enter the house at all that night.

But there was indeed a na**d music party for two.

We moved to the boat shed for our drunken activities, not wanting to walk into the house to see Randy with his na**d girls. “We’ll head inside after a while. They won’t stay the night,” I said. “Randy never keeps girls overnight.” I pulled out blankets for us and we lay on top of the boat.

The whiskey was opened, and after Ashlyn took her first shot of it, I thought she was going to vomit. But she refused to stop trying it. Each time we took a shot together, she made the cutest ugly face I’d ever seen. And she giggled a lot as a drunken girl.

I loved the sounds of her laugh. I arched an eyebrow and moved the bottles of alcohol far away from her. “You’re drunk.”

She sat up straight. The backs of her hands touched her cheeks. “Ohh! Am I?!” She laughed some more. “Okay,” she snickered, reaching into her paper bag and digging around. “I have two letters we can open! Number twenty-seven.” There was a moment she stared down at the letters and sighed. “Sometimes I feel like my life is being driven by these letters”—her voice lowered—“and sometimes I think they are leading me the wrong way.”

Her eyes blinked, and she shook away her thought, but I held on to it. She opened the letter and began to read it, stumbling through the words. “‘Dear Ash, if you are reading this letter on your twenty-first birthday, then you are very much a loser. Who waits until their twenty-first birthday to drink? If you are reading this before you’re twenty-one, then take another shot for me, you lush! I love you like crazy. I miss you even more. You’re doing great, kid. Gabby.’”

She pulled the note to her chest and frowned, but at the same time, her eyes smiled. “I miss her like crazy.”

“She misses you, too.”

“Do you think she’s with Ryan?” She paused. “Do you even believe in heaven? Heck, I don’t know if I do.”

I cleared my throat and rested my elbows on my knees. “I believe in the possibility of something greater than this world. And I believe that the two of them are together, safe, and no longer in pain.”

She released an easy breath. “I bet they’re hanging with Shakes.”

“Well clearly. Why would you hang out with anyone other than Shakes in the land of the dead?”

She smiled. I fell harder. Pouring two more shots, she handed me one. “For Gabrielle Jennings and Ryan Turner. May they be conversing with William Shakespeare on a daily basis.”

To Gabby and Ryan!

Ashlyn’s hand picked up the next envelope from Gabby. “Number twelve… Have sex in a car.” When she said the words, her cheeks blushed over and she buried her face in the palms of her hands. “Ohmygosh. We totally had sex in your Jeep!”

I smirked. “Twice.”

She looked up at me, her hair wild, untamed, perfect. She sat with her arms resting against her knees. Leaning in, she bit her bottom lip. “I want to make love to you everywhere twice.”

I kissed her forehead and ran my hands through her hair. She held the letter out to me and I arched an eyebrow.

“You want me to read it?” I asked.

“Of course.”

Opening it, I grinned. “You slut.”

She nodded. “I know, I know. Now what does it say?”

My smile stretched even more as I turned the letter around to her.

#12. Have Sex in a Car.

You Slut.

-G

Ashlyn snatched the note from my fingers and stared at the words on the paper. Her eyes widened with joy and she snickered. “What a bitch.”

I thought that was girl code for ‘my best friend.’

Chapter 34

Close the door.

Take off your clothes.

Let me see your secrets unfold.

~ -Romeo’s Quest

We moved back into Daniel’s bedroom and fell asleep in one another’s arms. In the morning when I woke up, Daniel was nowhere to be found. But an intense headache was on the forefront. On the pillow next to me a tray. Sitting on it was a water bottle with daisies, a bowl of Cap’n Crunch mixed with marshmallows, a plate with two painkillers, and orange juice.

My smile remained as I watched the morning light seep into the bedroom.

Breakfast in bed. Another first of ours.

I tossed the pills into my mouth and washed them down with some orange juice.

Daniel walked into the room with nothing on but a towel around his waist. The way the cotton hung on his h*ps made me fully aware of how built he was from top to bottom. There was water dripping down his toned six-pack, and I blushed as I stared. I loved how he still made me blush from time to time. He smirked toward me.

“Good morning.” He walked closer and I reached to him, wrapping my arms around him, pulling his wet body down to me. He lay on top of me, holding me against him. He smelled so fresh, woodsy. I made sure to breathe him all in.

“You got me Cap’n Crunch and added marshmallows?” I asked.

He picked up a piece and placed it between my lips. “It’s your favorite.” He kissed me lightly and I scrunched my face.

“I need to brush my teeth and shower. You’re all fresh and clean. It’s not fair that you’re kissing nasty morning breath.”

“I don’t care,” he laughed at me.

My hands covered my mouth and I turned my head away from him. “I do!”

Daniel stood up and scooped me into his arms, still chuckling. “Then let’s go get you all cleaned up.”

Making love in the shower.

Another first of ours.

Chapter 35

Pain isn’t something you need to save.

But please, baby, hold on for one more day.

~ Romeo’s Quest

Winter break started the week after Ryan’s funeral. I stayed at Henry’s for the most of it, making sure Rebecca and Hailey were finding time to eat, to cry, to mourn. I’d lost Gabby in August, but I felt that the worst time to lose someone was during the holidays. Christmas was only a few days away, yet it didn’t feel that way at all.

Daniel texted me each day, making sure I was finding time to eat, to cry, to mourn. Each text ended the same: I love you.

I’d needed that.

The night before Christmas, I couldn’t sleep. I sat in the living room with my notebook, writing away, pouring all of my thoughts into my imaginary characters. I heard footsteps approaching from behind me. I turned to see Henry walking with two coffee mugs.

“Tea?” he asked. “Rebecca had some weird flavor in the cabinet, but I thought I would give it a try.” I nodded and moved over on the couch to make room for him. He sat down and handed me a mug. “What are ya working on?”

“My novel.”

“What’s it about?”

I bit my bottom lip. “I’m not quite sure yet. But I’ll let you know when I find out.” Closing the notebook, I turned toward him. “Gabby did forgive you,” I said. “She never blamed you for leaving.”

Henry’s eyes locked with mine. “And what about you?”

“Me?” I paused. “I’m working on it.”

He nodded. “That’s progress.”

Next were the tears that streamed down my face and the shaking followed. “I’ve been so terrible to you.”

“I’ve been even worse, Ashlyn. I wasn’t there. I missed so much.” His head lowered. “Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know. But let’s just get through tonight.” I lifted my tea, took a sip, then spit it into the cup. “Oh my gosh! That tastes like reindeer piss!”

Henry laughed and raised an eyebrow. “And you know how reindeer piss tastes because…”

I gestured toward his mug. “Try it. See for yourself.”

When the tea hit his lips, he gagged, spitting it back into the cup. “Yup, that’s definitely Rudolph’s piss.”

“Really? I was thinking it was Comet’s.”

He smiled. I smiled. We smiled. Not an uncomfortable grin, not an estranged father-daughter smile, but a real smile. The first one we’d had in…years.

“I think I’m going to go see her…be with her for the holiday. If it’s okay with you, I’ll probably go tomorrow.”

He grimaced.

“I’ll come back, Henry,” I promised.

“She’ll love that, Ashlyn. She’s doing a lot better…” He moved to the Christmas tree in the corner and lifted a gift box. “Here you go.”

My fingers ran over the wrapping paper. I saw my name written across it and my heart skipped. “You always give us gift cards,” I whispered.

“Yeah, well… I thought I would try something different this year. Open it.”

I was slow to unwrap the gift, feeling as if this were some kind of dream I would awake from. I gasped when I saw the CD sitting in my hands. Romeo’s Quest.

Henry cleared his throat. “I know it might be weird, being your teacher’s band and all. But I saw them perform a few weeks ago. They’re good, Ashlyn.” He paused. His bottom lip twitched. “Dan”—he paused again—“Mr. Daniels was telling me how they based each song off Shakespeare plays. You like Shakespeare, right? But if you hate it, we can get something else. I’ll take you shopping—”

A deep sigh rolled through me. My arms wrapped around Henry and I held him close. “Thank you, Henry. It’s perfect.” When we pulled away, I went back to the tea and took another sip, gagging after the taste.

“Why do you even drink this nasty stuff?” Henry asked, eyeing the tea.

“It’s not all nasty,” I argued. “Plus, Gabby loved tea, she’s the reason I started drinking it.”

His eyebrows lowered. “Do you think you can tell me more about Gabby?”

My lips turned down and I felt my heartbeat increase at the idea of sharing the wonderful things about my best friend to the guy who should’ve already known her. “What do you want to know?”